Do you remember that children’s book, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day? Well that’s the kind of day Rob had on Friday—a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day—one of those days in which everything seems to go wrong. Being the wonderful girlfriend and roommate that I am, I decided to make a whole bunch of really fatty foods for dinner. You know, comfort food. So I made chicken for Rob (yes, I handle raw chicken. According to our favorite bartender, Sheila, this makes me “a keeper.”) and tofu for me.

On the side, I made scalloped potatoes and the best homemade macaroni and cheese I have ever had. The potatoes were a combination of a few recipes I saw online and my preferences, and the mac-n-cheese was straight from an episode of Alton Brown’s Good Eats on the Food Network. And oh my god, was it good.

1/2 pound elbow macaroni
4 tablespoons butter
2 eggs
6 ounces evaporated milk
1/2 teaspoon hot sauce
1 teaspoon kosher salt
Fresh black pepper
3/4 teaspoon dry mustard
10 ounces sharp cheddar, shredded

In a large pot of boiling, salted water cook the pasta to al dente and drain. Return to the pot and melt in the butter. Toss to coat.

Whisk together the eggs, milk, hot sauce, salt, pepper, and mustard. Stir into the pasta and add the cheese. Over low heat continue to stir for 3 minutes or until creamy.

I followed this recipe pretty closely—the only substitution I made was a squeeze of Sriracha for the 1/2 teaspoon of hot sauce. The key to this recipe is good quality cheese. Somehow I don’t think it would be as good if you just threw in a bag of shredded Kraft cheddar. Go the cheese counter and buy some good, sharp cheddar and grate it yourself. I promise it’s worth it. Besides, good cheeses are fun, and buying something from the cheese counter always makes me feel like a foodie. For this one, I used a big block of Tillamook.

It even looked like heaven. This recipe makes a LOT, so prepare for leftovers. Luckily, it reheated really well. Thanks, Alton Brown. I’d marry Alton Brown, if only he’d reply to the daily fan letters I mail him. Sorry, Rob.

Next up, the potatoes. I think when most people think of scalloped potatoes, they think of a big browned cheesy mess. Which is good, but probably not that great when you’re already eating a big cheesy mess (see above.) So I decided to do a more traditional French preparation with the addition of some herbs I had in my fridge. Still pretty fatty, still delicious, just no cheese.

2 large potatoes, peeled and thinly sliced (I used Yukon Golds)
2/3 quart of whipping cream (oooh, fat!!)
2 minced garlic cloves
2 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper
Small amount of butter

Layer the slices of potato in a buttered glass baking dish. In a bowl, mix together the cream, garlic, salt and pepper and pour over the potatoes. Dot the top with butter and place in oven for 50 minutes while it gets all brown and delicious. Simple as that. Take it out and sprinkle with any herbs you might want (I used parsley and chives, because they both pair with potatoes so well.) Let it rest for about 15 minutes and then dig in.

(Please note the Sur La Table chef kitchen timer that Rob gave me for my birthday peeking over the dish. Sweet moustache!)

Rob’s reviews:
The potatoes:
8.5 out of 10 hot dogs

The macaroni and cheese:
A whopping 9.5 out of 10 possible hot dogs! Seriously ladies, the way to a man’s heart is by clogging his arteries.

Right now, we have more apples than we know what to do with. The giant bag of them keeps moving around the kitchen in an effort to keep it out of the way, and it seems that no matter how many we eat, the bag never gets any emptier. So I decided to try to put apples in something savory instead of sweet, and came up with this recipe. (I’m also trying to do a better job of including some form of measurements with recipes on here.)

Potato-Apple-Feta Pancakes
2 large baking potatoes, peeled
2 large Granny Smith apples, peeled and cored
Handful of crumbled feta cheese (about 3 oz?)
2 eggs, beaten
2-3 TB flour (I actually forgot that I had planned to add flour when I made these, and it didn’t seem to make much of a difference. They’d probably be more cake-y, less potato-y, so try whichever you want)
About 2 TB snipped chives
Salt & pepper to taste
Olive oil

Into a large bowl, grate the apples and potatoes using the largest holes on a box grater. The apples may just turn into mush, that’s okay. You just have to work quickly to keep them from browning. (If you absolutely need to, toss the mixture with some lemon juice, which slows the oxidation process that causes browning in certain fruits and veggies.) Sprinkle with salt, mix well.
Taking the potato mixture in small handfuls, squeeze the hell out of them. Get as much moisture out of them as you possibly can. Don’t worry about squeezing too hard, just get them as dry as possible. Place the dry mixture into a colander until the bowl is empty. Wipe all the moisture out of the bowl with a paper towel and move the potato mixture back to it. Add the eggs, chives, feta, pepper and flour, if you’re using it. (Be aware that if you don’t use flour, there will be liquid in the bottom of your bowl, just drain it off the best you can.)

Place a frying pan over high heat. Add a bit of oil and let it get good and hot. A good trick to use when frying things: if you flick some water onto the oil and it bubbles on contact, the oil is hot enough. With a spoon, drop some of the potato mixture onto the oil, and use the back of the spoon to smoosh it into a thin pancake. This recipe should make about 8, so use that to judge how much mixture to add.

Now, this is the key: don’t mess with it for three minutes. I think people’s tendency when cooking something in a pan is to poke at it, try to flip it, shake it around, etc. Just don’t. Go read a magazine, clip your toenails, something. Three minutes. Okay. Flip it and give it three minutes on the other side. Drain on paper towels. Add a bit more oil and repeat. Then devour.

Along with being aesthetically not-too-appealing, this dish is also totally unhealthy. I served these with sour cream and chives because in terms of fat, I think you should go big or go home. I also made baked apple-tamari tofu, which I’ll post the recipe for later. Oh god, do we have a lot of apples. Finally, serve this meal with classy beverages!!

Robbo’s review:
Surprisingly, he really liked these. One thing you have to understand about feeding Rob is that it’s often like feeding a kid (ask him what his favorite food is sometime—it’s chicken fingers and French fries.) So it can be difficult to get him to try things that are a bit out of the ordinary, including apples in potato pancakes. When I get him to admit he likes something ‘alternative,’ it’s always a big victory for me. Anyway, he gave it 8/10 hot dogs.